I always wonder why couples come together to make life “happy and beautiful” and then only proceed to suffocate and stifle each other. Nothing blooms without oxygen, sunlight and space. It’s so common to see couples unite and immediately put down conditions on what is not acceptable and attempt to change the other in order to cater to their own needs, ego and insecurities. When you fall in love with someone, you love them for who they are. It should be associated with trust towards their character, respect for their accomplishments and an understanding of their way of life. To make them a “prisoner” of rules is only stating that you do not approve of their choices or trust them. Couples are always attempting to change the other to be like them because there is comfort in sameness or in an attempt to cater to their own insecurities and fears. Of course it’s a given that infidelity and neglect should be on a blacklist, but to limit their friendships or making them feel guilty for dining or holidaying with their close buddies, having hobbies and passions, or insisting on them changing the way they dress, talk and behave when with others is actually disrespecting them for all that they chose to be. If you fall in love with someone, it is because they are who they are and if you change that, they cease to be the person you fell in love with. It also leads to the person feeling alien to themselves, and soon the discomfort with the stifling conditions starts leading to the person wilting rather than blooming. Relationships are meant to enhance you, your life and your emotional state, not limit you. Couples should bring out the best in each other and whatever natural changes take place to harmonize as a couple should be an organic and empowering process rather than a forced and overpowering one. If your relationship makes you wilt, it’s time to reconsider why you’re in it or why you have permitted yourself to be denied the right to be you. You are a wonderful person and the first person to recognize it should be the person you have chosen to journey through life with.
I am a 34-year-old married woman. My husband travels quite often for work and I stay back to look after my in-laws. We don’t have a child. Earlier I used to feel sad, but now I have started going out shopping with my neighbour, a 21-year-old college boy. I have started getting attracted to him, but I am scared that my husband will get to know about it. What should I do?
If you’re shopping and flirting with him for “time pass value” it’s not fair to your husband who’s out there earning the bucks to keep you well provided for. If you’re equating having a baby to a sense of joy and purpose which you perhaps lack then you need to discuss it with your husband. If the marriage itself is deficient and you’re not happy with the dynamics, figure with him how to change things and if not workable, a child is the last thing you should be thinking of having.
I am a 76-year-old woman and live with my son and daughter-in-law. While they are both nice to me, I always feel that they would probably like to live by themselves. I am thinking of moving out and staying by myself. I am not sure whether I should take this decision or not. Please advice.
You’re at an age and stage that you need looking after and it’s wonderful that they love and respect and care for you. You can get yourself a good friends group, a charity to associate with, and a hobby that keeps you out of the home and active. Take holidays with friends so they perhaps get the weekends free to be alone with each other. When home, be helpful and happy so it eases their pressure of looking after the home and you become an asset in every way to their life, just as they are in yours.
I am a 23-year-old guy and have been living on my own for the past six years. My mother has suddenly started asking me whether I would like to come and live with her. I don’t wish to do that, but don’t know what to tell her too. Please help.
Tell her it’s not an option at the moment, however sit with her and identify the void she’s looking to fill. Perhaps you can pop in a bit more often, and also maybe encourage her to find herself a life partner to give her the daily companionship she’s possibly looking for. Ask her about her deepest fears as she’s getting older and put them to rest.